The Search For Platinum Angel's Assistant
by ChibiAerith
Summary: This fic includes me (Aerith/Platinum Angel), Amy (Secret Agent Girl), Cloud Strife, and cameos from characters in Fushigi Yuugi, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy X, and Police Squad! Also, some secret celebrity guests! *Grin*
1. The Mayhem Begins!

~The Search For Platinum Angel's Assistant~  
The Beginning...  
by Aerith  


* * *

_Long ago, in a land, far, far away...._   
(Okay, really it was July of 2001)   
_Two girls destiny was unfurled..._   
(In a 82k email (one of our smallest) promptly named ¤_k_u_p_o_¤, Amy was banned from the internet but would sneak on to email me.   
I said, "Ooooh! Sneaky-secret agent girl!" We also discussed how she keeps bahamut under her bed and feeds him cheesecake!)   
_And the world saw it's first glimmer of hope for a millennia..._   
(Amy: *jumps from the celing and does 60 flips before landing* Sorry, I'm sorta into the Mission Impossible song...   
Me: lol! Guess so...   
Amy: Hehehehe! I am Secret Agent Girl!   
Me: YES!!!!   
Amy: You are me sidekick, Platinum Angel!   
Me: Woo-hoo! *Pulls a super-hero lady pose*)   
_And so our story begins.... _   



	2. Part 1: Enter Aerith

~The Search For Platinum Angel's Assistant~  
Part 1  
Aerith's P.O.V - Intro to Seymour  
by Aerith  


* * *

Cloud and Amy (aka Kat) are going to help out with this, too! But for now...  
  
[1st Interview]  
Aerith: Please, take a seat Mr... *looks at resume* Kai...?  
Kai: (From the TV show "Lexx") *Takes a seat* Yes.  
Aerith: It says here you are the last remaining Brunnen-G and assassin of the Divine Order?  
Kai: Yes.  
Aerith: *Raises a brow* Uh-huh... and you are dead?  
Kai: Yes.  
Aerith: And how does that feel?  
Kai: The dead do not feel.  
Phone: Ring! Ring!  
Aerith: *Picks up phone* Moshi Moshi!  
Cloud: We have no FOOD! I am starving!  
Aerith: *Sigh* I'm in the middle of an interview right now... and we have plenty of food!  
Cloud: Yeah, food that entails COOKING!  
Aerith: Well cook!  
Cloud: But I-  
Aerith: COOK! *Hangs up* ... *Blink* Uh-huh... (Aside: Weird hair…) I think you should see Tama for an assassin job here! *Buzzes Tama* Tama-kins!  
Tamahome: ...*Sounds scared* I DID NOT 'MESS UP' THE COFFEE ORDER TODAY! It was a French Vanilla Cappuccino WITHOUT any extra "little ingredients", I swear!  
Aerith: Erm… not what I was buzzing about, Tama... o-O ...Extra ingredients?!?!?!?  
Tamahome: *Nervous laugh* Errr… *Turns off intercom*  
  
[Break time ("I take my breaks whenever I damn well please! ^_^")]  
Aerith: *Puts her feet up on her desk which causes a cutie picture of her and Cloud at the Gold Saucer, posing with a beat-up looking guy in a chocobo suit (Cloud decided that he was "staring" at her too much) to fall off the desk* Eh? *Scoops it off the floor * Hmm… I wonder what Cloud is up to right now...?  
  
[Meanwhile... at Cloud's Villa]  
Cloud: *Slumped on the couch, drinking Vanilla Coke, eating Rufus-O's out of the box (looking for the special 'Turks Secret Decoder Ring'), and wearing a "Home Shopping Network" t-shirt, watching TV*  
(Overly sympathetic and enthusiastic) Infomercial Announcer Voice: Aren't you sick of the same old greasy meats? *Shows a woman dramatically flipping over a burger in a pan, scoffing, throwing the spatula down, and getting burned by the grease*  
Woman: *Frantically shakes head 'yes'*  
(Overly enthusiastic) Infomercial Announcer Voice: Then try new "Shmorkus Meat"! Genetically engineered at the ShinRa building by one of our most competent scientists! *Camera turns to Hojo who is holding some brownish-green, oozing "meat" on a platter...*  
Hojo: It has a new, tangy, flavorful meat taste that fills you right up, and warms your very soul… *Gives some Shmorkus Meat to the woman*  
Woman: Mmmm... looks and smells delicious! *Cringes as she shoves some in her mouth* Wow… and… the…. flavor…. *Turns a pale shade of green* Do I have... mako poisoni- *Camera quickly fades to the Turks*  
The Turks: *Singing, with a very catchy tune in the background* Shmorkus Meat, it's good for you! It smells like feet and it looks like poo! *Hum the tune throughout the rest of the commercial*  
*Disclaimer at the bottom of the screen*: "Shmorkus Meat" is not counted by the FDA as meat, nor as an actual food product. Shmorkus meat has been known to cause puss, swelling, itching, and irritation around the eye, mouth, and genital area. Do not eat if pregnant or nursing. Do not consume if you have heart, liver, or kidney disease. *Disclaimer scrolls up* Keep out of the reach of children under 6 years of age. Do not eat if you are a male or female under 40 and above 41. If you accidentally swallow more than the directed amount, seek medical help or contact a Poison Control Center immediately. *Disclaimer fills the screen* "Shmorkus Meat" has been linked to some forms of cancer, and can cause severe Mako poisoning and stomach cramps. To minimize swallowing, eat just a pea-sized amount.  
George Forman: *Pops up on-screen* And it tastes great on my grill! Endorsed by ME, George Forman, and my son, George Forman, and my son, George Forman...  
Cloud: *Jumps up, causing all the Rufus-O crumbs to come tumbling off his chest* OOOHHH! Damn, I'm hungry... It would probably give me gas, but it looks really good! *Calls up Aerith* AERITH! PICK ME UP SOME SHMORKUS MEAT! Please, please, PLEASE!  
Aerith: *Over the phone* Huh? Eeewww... No! Cloud: But-  
Aerith: Cloud, doesn't HOJO make that crap? Do you realize that Hojo is the cause of all the bad things that have happened? And, I'm *working*! *Hangs up*  
Cloud: *Sigh*  
*On the TV, Chuck Norris appears*  
Chuck Norris: Hi! I'm Chuck Norris, here to talk about the wonders of (insert whatever the hell the name of that product is)  
Chuck's Wife: *With baby in lap* Yeah, honey! It works great!  
Baby: *Spits up*  
Chuck's Wife: Awwww... she spit up!  
Chuck & Wife: *Laugh*  
Cloud: *Turns attention to TV, half his face shadowed, and the other half lighted by the TV- looking very fangy, evil, and angry… not to mention caped, and one-winged*  
*Authors Note*: Kingdom Hearts Cloud! ^_^*   
Cloud: *Aside: Eeww...* Lies, Chuck! *Unsheathes Ultima Weapon and goes into fighting stance* ANYTHING that shows the chuck-up-ing of a small infant is PURE EVIL!!! EVILER THAN SPAM! I *despise* you, child of Satan!!!!!!! AND YOU, MR. I-CAN-KICK-YER-ASS-IN-TEXAS!!!??? HOW DARE YOU RAISE SUCH NONSTROSSADIES!!! PREPARE YOURSELF!!!! UGHHHH! *Throws TV out window* YOU HAVE OLD SPOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Dog: *Yelps*   
Cloud: Whoopsie...  
  
[Back to Aerith's Office- 2nd Interview]  
Aerith: Come in and have a seat, Mr. Crichton.  
John: (From the TV show "Farscape") Please, call me John.  
Aerith: Okay, John. Now, I understand that you were an astronaut that was lost in space for who knows how long, and because of my plot-hole from hell; you ended up here- applying for a job as my personal/secretary assistant?  
John: *Blink* Yes… *In the background a large black hole is forming...*  
Aerith: Oh no!!!!! The plot hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Pushes John out the window*  
Black Hole: *Floats after John*   
Aerith: RUN JOHN, RUN!!!! *Leans out the window* Damn! -.-;;  
Phone: Ring! Ring!  
Aerith: *Picks up the phone* Hello?  
Cloud: I think I burned the villa down!  
Aerith: Where are you calling from?  
Cloud: ...the villa...  
Aerith: .... Cloud: I think I killed the dog! And the TV… broke! Now I can't watch Johnny Bravo or play Devil May Crrrryyyyyy!!!! *Whines*  
Aerith: Ack! *Unplugs phone and shakes her head* And he saved the world?  
  
[3rd... Interview?]  
Dr. Lecter: Hello, Aerith...  
Aerith: Hello Dr. Lecter!  
Dr. Lecter: You still wake up sometimes, don't you? Wake up in the dark, with the lambs screaming?   
Aerith: Err.... wrong script, Dr. Lecter.  
Dr. Lecter: *Pages through script* Oh? Well... then I must be off to tend to some business.   
Aerith: ...Send in the next person, will ya?  
Dr. Lecter: Certainly... *Licks lips creepily*  
  
[4th Interview]  
Aerith: Come in Mr... Seymour? *Raises a brow*  
Seymour: *Comes in and takes a seat* Thank you. Your eyes, they-  
Aerith: *Slams hands down on desk* NO! Uhmm... weren't you banned from this building?  
Seymour: Was I? Well I don't recall any incidents happening... *Twiddles thumbs*  
Aerith: Do we really have to do a flash back scene? *Sigh*...  
Seymour: Hot diggity dog! *Cheesy smile*  
Aerith: The hell!?! @.@ Well, it all started at Hojo's lab, where he was characteristically exuberant, as usual...  
  
[Flash Back- Previous week, Hojo's Lab (Aerith's Version)]  
Hojo: Mwahahahahahaha! Finally! My master plan!!!! Now to activate it... *Presses a bunch of random buttons and kicks the machine- the machine starts and steam and jump around* What the...? Ahhh!! What's going on here?! I'm a diiiipshiiiiiit and the cause of almost everything that is bad in this world!  
  
[Spira- Yuna and her guardians (and uninvited guest, Seymour) are enjoying a healthy game of "Twister" at Tidus' Annual BBQ/Pool Party]  
Tidus: I WON AND YOU KNOW IT!  
Seymour: *Coughbullshitcough*  
Tidus: That's it~!!!!!!!!! WOO-SHA! *Starts slicing Seymour up with his Caladbolg* BLITZ ACE! HAH! That was the... 329579837593759389353 time?  
*A bright blue light starts forming*   
Kimhari: Kimhari see a big blue ball of light!  
Rikku: Ew! Kimhari! We don't want to know about that!  
Yuna: Everyone! What's that blue light?!  
Lulu: *Shields Yuna* Yuna! Back away!   
*The blue light engulfs everyone*  
  
[Previous Week- SAG & PA's Secret Dorm/HQ... err... cathedral]  
Kat: *Pulls at the Auron action figure* AURON IS MINE!  
Aerith: MINE!!!!!!!! *Pulls the Auron action figure*  
Kat: *I* liked him first! HE IS MINE!  
Aerith: But I got the game first and I know all about him and I love him and HE IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Kat: *Lets go of action figure and Aerith goes flying backwards* Fine! Hooch! *Storms off*  
Aerith: *Hugs the action figure* Yay!... Ow... my arse...  
Kat: Ummm… *Backs up into room* AERITH! TURN ON THE TV!!!  
Aerith & Kat: *Rush over to the TV*   
Voice: Welcome to News 9, at 2:35pm.  
*Fades in*  
Reporter: Drugs or no drugs? The resounding vote in our online poll says YES! *Sniffs some unnamed white substance from the papers on his desk* In other news... *Looks serious* Chaos reigns in downtown Midgar today. Destruction, death, the savage screaming... oh, the screaming... Let's now go live to the scene downtown to Bob the midget with a lisp. Bob?  
Bob: Thanksh, Frank. Now, ash you can shee-  
Frank: What seems to be the situation there, Bob?  
Bob: Well, I wash getting to that, Frank. The deshtruction here is vasht and it sheems that-  
Frank: Incredible, Bob. Just incredible.  
Bob: Errr.. yesh, Frank, but ash I wash shaying... *Clears throat* The deshtruction sheems to be caushed by a giant fisch-type creature that came from a blinding flasch of blue light at the ShinRa Building today.  
Frank: Damn that Sadam Hussein...  
Bob: Huh? No... I said the SHINRA BUILDING.  
Frank: This is stunning, Bob, just stunning. How did he manage to get into the ShinRa Building?  
Bob: *Smacks forehead* He ishn't in the ShinRa Building! I was talking about the giant fisch that-  
Heraldo Rivera: *Shoves Bob the midget (with a lisp) aside and steals his microphone* See? I am AT THE SCENE today. *Points his gun at Anima* BWAHAHAHA! I will show them! I will show them all! I will destroy this fiend and control the world once again… For I, Heraldo Rivera, number 1 world's greatest reporter, is King. *Shoots at Anima*  
Anima: [Immune] *Looks pissed and slinks over to Heraldo*  
Heraldo: *Gulp*  
Anima: *Picks Heraldo up by its teeth*  
Heraldo: You can't kill me! I'm immortal! Immortal I tell youuuuuu-!  
Anima: *Eats Heraldo*  
Frank: *Has white powder all around his nose* What a shocking turn of events this is! *In the background Anima peers through the window* Uh-oh... Mommy... *Whimpers*  
Anima: *Casts Pain*  
Kat: Sheet! That this is oooooogly!  
Aerith: Gah! I know! And it's IN MIDGAR! I think its time for...  
Kat: Sooopa hero poooowwwaaaaa! *Transforms into what looks like this*  
Note: On my page "this" is a link.. the costume is hard to explain. Just think: "eye candy".  
Aerith: Err... yeah... something like that... *Backs away slowly and changes into Tiara's transformation form from Shamanic Princess, except silver and black instead of red and black*  
  
[Downtown Midgar]  
PA (Platinum Angel): *Runs the cart into a bunch of garbage cans (Police Squad style) and then plows the cart into the side of the ShinRa Building* Aw, crap...  
Cloud: *Dressed as Kingdom Hearts Cloud* Aerith!  
PA: *Swoon* Cloud! I was worried about you...  
Cloud: I have a cape!  
PA: I know you have a cape sweetie. ^^;;  
Cloud: A burgundy cape!  
PA: I know...  
Cloud: A-  
SAG (Secret Agent Girl): *Shoves past* Where did the fish go?  
Cloud: *Points* That way!  
PA: ARGGG!! He is headed toward our HQ!!!!  
SAG: *Clenches fists* This means war...  
Cloud: Quick! In the Seph-X-Terminator! (Aka the Cloud-mobile!)  
SAG: ...That ghetto truck? *Looks at (what once was a...) light blue rusted out truck with "Sephiroth-X-Terminator" spray painted on the side*  
SAG & PA: *Anime sweatdrop*  
Cloud: *Grumbles* Hey, it works at least!   
SAG & PA: *Jump in*  
PA: Umm... where are the seat belts?  
Cloud: What? Don't trust my driving? *Winks at PA and speeds off* MOVE IT you piece of *(#&%(&(*%&(!!!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Waves Ultima Weapon out the window* Don't think I won't get out of this truck and stick this up YOUR MONKEY LOVING ASS!!!!! %&$#! I'm a MASTER SWORDSMAN! So don't think I won't KILL YOU! I will go up there and personally cut off your testicles! I will cut off your testicles, balance them on the tip of my sword, and shove them DOWN YOUR THROAT! $%^&#*! *Veers onto grass to get around the car*  
SAG & PA: *Cling to each other*  
Tifa: *From inside the car- waves out the window happily*  
Cloud, PA, & SAG: *Anime sweatdrop*  
SAG: He drives worse than you! @_@  
  
[Outside SAG & PA's Secret Dorm/HQ/Cathedral]  
Ninja: *Runs up to the truck* Ben Chi Chang?!  
Cloud: *Blink* Ehhh?  
Ninja: It is I, Chou Ming Fat!  
Cloud: Who...?  
Ninja: Chou Fing!  
PA: Didn't you just say...-  
Ninja: Chou Yeng!  
SAG: Umm...  
Ninja: Ten Chou, he was on his way when they got him!  
Cloud: Wha...?  
Ninja: I think they are just scared! I think they are scared of you, Ben Chi! Heh-heh-heh! They know your styles are deadly!  
Cloud: *Pries the Ninja's fingers off the window and rolls it up*.....  
SAG: Hey, *squints* who is that blue haired dude peering down at us from the roof?  
PA: Huh? *Jumps out of the truck and points at Anima who is smashing the surrounding buildings* That giant fish is going to destroy the HQ!!!  
???????: (Seymour, obviously- but at the time they didn't know, now did they?) Come, Anima! Let them feel your pain!  
Anima: *Steps on Ninja*  
Tamahome: *Over special secret agent wrist watch ^.~* You need to get to the lab to get the Anti-Disgusting Fish Ray! ™ It's the only way Midgar can be saved!  
SAG: I'll get the warrior monks to distract him while we run in! *Blows whistle*  
*Monks leap from trees*  
Cloud: Oookay... I suggest we go in and get the fish "bait"!  
SAG & PA: *Roll eyes*   
Cloud: Go in and get the "fishing pole"... Heh-heh...  
PA: *Tugs at Cloud* Come on!  
Cloud: Like I always say: if it's not Baroque-  
PA: COME ON!!!  
Cloud: don't fix it!  
SAG & PA: *Fall over backwards anime-style* Argh! -.-  
  
[Inside the HQ- Kitchen Area]  
Dr. Lecter: *Runs around the kitchen cooking rice and seaweed*  
SAG: Umm… what are you doing?  
Dr. Lecter: Preparing for sushi. I quite enjoy the taste of *raw* meat... *Licks lips*  
Cloud: I quite enjoy-  
PA: This way! *Shoves Cloud through the door*  
  
[Stairway]  
SAG: *Runs up the stairs* Wasn't there a elevator?!  
PA: *Anime sweatdrop* ...  
SAG: Don't know... why... the hell... we gotta... climb... *puff, wheeze*   
Tama: We don't want to start a commotion until we have the ray?  
SAG: ...heh, heh, heh.   
Cloud: Knock it off. You're giving me the creeps.  
  
[5 Minutes Later]   
SAG: ...how much farther do these stairs go on?   
PA: Why don't you ask them?   
SAG: Are we there yet?   
Tama: Not yet.   
Cloud: Come on, Aerith, get those little legs moving! Come on.  
PA: *Sigh*  
SAG: ...there yet?   
Tama: I said not yet!   
Cloud: *Picks up a Elixir* Deja-vu...  
  
[10 Minutes Later]  
Tamahome's Cell Phone: Ring! Ring!  
Tama: *Picks it up* Hello?  
(On the other end) Nuriko: Dammit Tama-kins! Your whiny-ass girlfriend ran away (again) and was kidnapped by the Seiryu... *again*...  
Chichiri: *Grabs the phone from Nuriko* Yeah! She's a real dumbass, ya know?!  
Chiriko: *Grabs the phone from Chichiri* Yeah! It was really lame! They lured her through the forest by food tied to a string! Stupid hoe. *Lights up a cigarette*  
Tasuki: *Can be heard in the background* I say we let Nakago kill the bitch! *Evil laughter is heard throughout the Suzaku Seven*  
Amiboshi: *Also heard in the background* Hell, even I'd do it myself! *Plays flute*   
Tasuki: *Heard in the background again* We liked her best in Eikoden- she barely talked! *More evil laughter is heard in the background* Amiboshi! Stop playing that damn flute!  
Hotohori: Why am I the only one that likes the flute? ^_^  
Nuriko: *Takes the phone back from Chiriko* There will always be another priestess, right??  
Tama: Mi… Miaka?! In danger?! You traitors! Why can I be so cool but yet, such a loser?! *Runs off to save Miaka*  
PA: *Looks after Tama* I've asked myself the same thing about you, Tama.  
SAG, PA, & Cloud: x-X  
  
[Super Secret Special Lab]  
Ted Olson: (Head scientist) Now Katie, this is a guillotine; it was invented in the 1792 by Dr. Antoine Louis but was later named after Joseph Ignace Guillotin because of his famous speech, and was used as a execution method.  
(Little girl) Katie: Wow! Neat!  
Ted Olson: The way it works was you'd just put your head in here… *Helps the little girl place her head on the slab, and puts the top piece down* and the razor sharp edge would come down, severing the convicts head by means of this rope. *Holds the rope*  
SAG: *Busts in* Yo!  
Ted Olson: *Lets go of rope* Oh, hello Secret Agent Girl! *Helps the girl up* Now run along Katie, and remember, next week bring those Polaroid's you found in your mothers' jewelry box.  
SAG, PA, & Cloud: *Cock heads to the side*  
SAG: Umm... we came for the Anti-Disgusting Fish Ray ™...  
Ted Olson: Ah! Yes... *Goes to a massive gun cabinet with a ton of high-tech looking weapons and grabs a badass looking gun* Well… it works like any kind of gun… *Points the Anti-Disgusting Fish Ray ™ at a picture of Bill Gates* you pull the trigger like this- *The gun goes off with a blast of light and where the picture of Bill Gates used to be there is a giant hole in the wall* and, you see? Massive destruction!  
SAG & PA: *Grab at the gun* Ooooo... shinny!  
Cloud: *Takes the gun away from SAG & PA* Er... I'll be holding this. *Gun disappears into his amazing clown pants (Hell, even Barret fit in there!)* To the roof! Let's mosey!  
PA: *Whines* Honeyyy... "let's mosey?" didn't Cid teach you anything??  
Cloud: Well... yeah... I swear all the time! And you won't even let me smoke!  
PA: *Shakes her head*   
  
[On the roof]  
PA: *Busts through the door to the roof* To my side, my noble Einherjar! *Lenneth Valkyrie style pose with her hair-wings spread*   
SAG & Cloud: ...Wha...?  
PA: *Anime sweatdrop* Sorry, had to... Lenneth is such a badass! ^_^ (Shameless advertisement of Valkyrie Profile!)  
Seymour: Ooohhh... well if it isn't he legendary hero, Cloud Strife, and the legendary, lovely, superheroes Secret Agent Girl and Platinum Angel.   
Cloud: *Goes into fighting stance* What the hell do you think you're doing here, Seymour?!  
PA: We won't let you harm anymore-innocent people and cause any more destruction to Midgar!  
SAG: Yeah! Midgar already looks like shit!  
Seymour: *Chuckles and turns to SAG* Secret Agent Girl... You look marvelous! Your beauty radiates throughout the room, filling my very soul with joy...  
SAG: *Starry-eyed* Really?  
Seymour: Why, of course... *Bats eyelashes*  
PA: No! Don't listen to his "Wiley charms ™"!   
SAG: Wha? *Blink* NO ONE tries to flatter me when they don't mean it! *Eyes flare red and hisses*  
Seymour: Uh-oh... *Steps back, stepping on the Auron action figure and crushing it*  
PA: AURON! MY AURON! *Cracks knuckles* You're going to get it now, Seymour...  
Cloud: Ummm... Aerith? YOUR Auron? This is your fault, isn't it Seymour?!?! SEYMOUR! I'll rip out your eyes with my bear hands!!!!   
PA: C'mon guys, rush em'! *Everyone rushes to Seymour, beating him to a pulp in a big dust cloud*  
Seymour: *Broken and bruised* Mommy...  
Anima: *Sips tea and shrugs* Don't look at me!  
Seymour: *Bawls* ALLIEVERWANTEDWASTOBELOVED!  
*Everyone stops*  
Cloud: *Picks up a rock out of nowhere and throws it at Seymour* BULLSHIT Seymour! *Continues the beating*  
*Everyone continues*  
  
[TV] Frank: *Burn marks on face* Heraldo's remains were found today, in a steaming pile of fish dung. All that remained was his big, fake wig. *Shows a picture of the crusty wig on the side of the screen* What a sad, sad day in journalism. This is Frank An' Bean, signing off. *Fades out*  
  
[Aerith's Office- Present Day]  
Seymour: *Gasp* That never happened!  
Aerith: Yes it did! And we didn't even get the chance to use the Anti-Disgusting Fish Ray! ™ Now, why don't you tell me the way you think it happened? Starting at the beginning.  
Seymour: It began in Hojo's lab one morning; he was in his lab characteristically *less than* exuberant...  
  
[Flash Back- Previous week, Hojo's Lab (Seymour's Version)] Hojo: *Twiddles thumbs* Hmmm? I wonder if my mechanism will now work, and my master plan will be unraveled? Now to activate it... *Presses some buttons after hours of thought and calculation and the machine start to steam* What the...?  
  
[Spira- Yuna and her guardians (and very special guest, Seymour) are enjoying one of Tidus' nightly chess tournaments and tea parties]  
Seymour: Oh, ho-ho! I won again, silly little guardian! How many times was that?  
Auron: That's none of your business.   
Lulu: *Giggles and swoons at Seymour* Oh Seymour, you are so good at playing chess! You are the MASTER...  
Tidus: *Starry-eyed* My hero, Seymour...  
Seymour: Oh! You mustn't flatter me so! *Blush*  
Yuna: *Looks like Yuna from FFX-2* I wish you would teach me how to *PLAY* sometime, Seymour... *Winks*  
Seymour: Well of course, m'lady...  
*A bright blue light starts forming*  
Kimhari: Kimhari see a big blue light!  
Rikku: Ew! Kimhari! We don't want to know about that!  
Lulu & Yuna: *Latch onto Seymour* Oh no! Don't leave us!   
  
[Aerith's Office- Present Day]  
Aerith: *Rolls eyes* I hardly think-  
Seymour: *Sigh* You going to interrupt me or what?  
Cloud: *Busts in* Aerith?!?! I think the phone got disconnected!  
Aerith: Oh! Yeah... *Whistles as she plugs the phone wire back in*  
  
[Back to Flashback]  
*The blue light engulfs everyone*  
  
[ShinRa Building, Hojo's Lab]  
Hojo: Oooo... What a fascinating specimen! *Pokes at Seymour*  
Seymour: *Wakes up to Hojo poking him with a cane* Wha... where am I?  
Hojo: Oh! Your awake! Amazing... I've never seen a type of species like you before! I guess you'll be spending the rest of your days here where I can properly breed you!  
Seymour: ...Breed me?  
Hojo: Now... Exactly what gender are you?  
Seymour: *Eyes widen* I'M A MALE!!!!!!!   
Hojo: But your voice-  
Seymour: ANIMA!!!! COME FORTH!!!!   
Anima: *Appears outside and casts pain, which makes the upper half of Hojo's office explode*  
Hojo: Oh no! Jenova! *Runs over to the capsule where he keeps Jenova, and takes her out* My love! *Drags the headless Jenova out*  
Seymour: It's time, Anima...  
  
[Turks Lounge]  
Reno: *Playing Kingdom Hearts* Man! I wish we had a badass villain like Ansem around here!  
Rude: Yeah! "TURN TO DARKNESS!!!"  
Elena: And his voice is so dreamy! ^_^  
Intercom: Rufus: TURKS!!! A giant fish... type.. thing... is attacking the building! It is staring at me through the window... *Whimpers*  
Tseng: WE'LL SAVE YOU!!! *Runs out of the lounge*  
Rude: ...Think we should go, too?  
Reno: Nah, it sounds like he had "powered donuts" again....  
Elena: But we did hear some loud crashes, screaming, and explosions earlier-  
Reno: No. That was the TV, see? *Turns up TV* When you walk away you don't hear me say pleeeeeeassseeee oh baaaaby- don't go!   
  
[Aerith's Office- Present Day]  
Aerith: *Stands up and sings- using the cordless phone as a microphone* Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight- it's hard to let it go...  
Seymour & Cloud: *Stare*  
Aerith: Oh... *sits back down* continue... *cough*... *hums*  
  
[Back to Flashback- Rufus' Office]  
Rufus: *Cowers under desk, clutching a rubber ducky* It's okay... There, there Marvin... *pets the ducky* Everything will be O..K... *Rocks back and forth* I'm not supposed to die this way!  
Tseng: *Busts in* Mr. President!   
Rufus: *Throws the duck out of the window* TSENG!!!  
Tseng: *Picks Rufus up in his arms and Rufus promptly places his arms around Tseng's neck*  
Rufus: This is so wrong...  
*Bodyguard theme places*  
  
[Aerith's Office- Present Day]  
Aerith: And you know that happened... how?  
Seymour: ....  
*Plot hole forms in the background..*  
Aerith: At least it's not chasing John anymore! ^.^;;  
  
[Back to Flashback]  
Seymour: *Stands outside building* Oh this poor city… so clouded in smog and tainted by technology… maybe I can do my saving *here*... *Smirks*  
Random ShinRa SOLDIER #1: *Runs out of building- missing an arm* Secret Agent Girl will save us!!!!!!   
Random ShinRa SOLDIER #2: Yeah! And Platinum Angel!!!!!   
Seymour: *Thinks to self: Secret Agent Girl and Platinum Angel...? Hmmm, they could cause a problem...* Do you know where this Secret Agent Girl and Platinum Angel reside?  
Random ShinRa SOLDIER #2: Yeah! Their *SECRET HEADQUARTERS* are over there! *Points to cathedral*  
  
[Aerith's Office- Present Day]  
Aerith: *Jots down note to self: Raid what is left of ShinRA HQ...*  
  
[Back to Flashback]  
-More to come soon! Stay tuned! ^_^  
  
  


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